Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
