talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
