3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
