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why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
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