Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(516): View more from New York

why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?

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(516): why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo? http://tfl.nu/oqag

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(908): View more from New Jersey

so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.

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(908): so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy. http://tfl.nu/ocps

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(248): View more from Michigan

going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.

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(248): going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school. http://tfl.nu/hpld

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf

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(412): I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf http://tfl.nu/qrcf

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.

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(405): i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me. http://tfl.nu/gnbi

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!

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(401): This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan! http://tfl.nu/8a5r

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(352): View more from Florida

... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.

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(352): ... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea. http://tfl.nu/mdap

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(239): View more from Florida

Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.

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(239): Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox. http://tfl.nu/ld2z

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.

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(617): Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened. http://tfl.nu/s0za

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(813): View more from Florida

I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday

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(813): I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday http://tfl.nu/whui

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(785): View more from Kansas

im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.

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(785): im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit. http://tfl.nu/en3h

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(785): View more from Kansas

And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.

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(785): And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week. http://tfl.nu/s5eh

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.

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(215): No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there. http://tfl.nu/8rlf

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(703): View more from Virginia

The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am

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(703): The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am http://tfl.nu/d51l

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(469): View more from Texas

So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.

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(469): So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride. http://tfl.nu/8ytz

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