in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.