My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I queefed so loud it echoed.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back