I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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