no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.