its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i would punch a child for taco bell
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED