We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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