Texts From Last Night

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  (626): View more from California

  Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.

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  (626): Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess. http://tfl.nu/higf
  Replies (57) Good night (840) Bad night (3405)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.

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  (513): the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust. http://tfl.nu/fcbh
  Replies (21) Good night (698) Bad night (5911)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.

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  (502): I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later. http://tfl.nu/r27t
  Replies (24) Good night (4184) Bad night (1191)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."

  (1-270): View more from Kentucky

  Does God suck his dick?

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  (270): He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God." (1-270): Does God suck his dick? http://tfl.nu/w42a
  Replies (105) Good night (1415) Bad night (5915)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?

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  (407): just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic? http://tfl.nu/xncy
  Replies (72) Good night (8153) Bad night (1621)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"

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  (505): These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?" http://tfl.nu/1vuh
  Replies (8) Good night (1430) Bad night (3658)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.

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  (617): He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him. http://tfl.nu/v8g0
  Replies (14) Good night (5883) Bad night (942)
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  (914): View more from New York

  I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.

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  (914): I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here. http://tfl.nu/s43y
  Replies (15) Good night (5055) Bad night (1397)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog

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  (202): just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog http://tfl.nu/w6qp
  Replies (4) Good night (3480) Bad night (1074)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.

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  (618): This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape. http://tfl.nu/eyxg
  Replies (14) Good night (1757) Bad night (4759)
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  (458): View more from Oregon

  I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.

  (350): View more from

  You are my idol.

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  (458): I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation. (350): You are my idol. http://tfl.nu/xq85
  Replies (21) Good night (3500) Bad night (1152)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.

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  (937): They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks. http://tfl.nu/nsc0
  Replies (3) Good night (1891) Bad night (757)
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  (213): View more from California

  idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.

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  (213): idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot. http://tfl.nu/1auj
  Replies (3) Good night (697) Bad night (363)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.

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  (403): Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull. http://tfl.nu/z0zm
  Replies (1) Good night (428) Bad night (465)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.

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  (860): Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character. http://tfl.nu/v0k6
  Replies (4) Good night (702) Bad night (438)

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