He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
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And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
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I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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