I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
