so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
