I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
