You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
