he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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