He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I could make wine with my vomit
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
