Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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