Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
