Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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