i already hear my dad disowning me
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
