I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
