please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
