you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
