listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize