I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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