it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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