Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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