gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
