Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
