There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
