i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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