you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
