This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Come see our sink grown plant.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
