i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize