dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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