I'm jealous of your bromance
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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