Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
