First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
