good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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