i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
