Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
