uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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