I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
