Where did you get a picture of my penis
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
