How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
