Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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