I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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