So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
