her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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