i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize