My hair reeks of homosexuality.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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