You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
