The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
