I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
