I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
