I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
