I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize