okay pat passed out under dana's car
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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