I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
