I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
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When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
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I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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