Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
