I only kidnapped one of them. chill
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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