How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
