I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just high enough for therapy.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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