You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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