My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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