you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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