I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
