Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
