If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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