It's Friday. Sex?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
