How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize