Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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