Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from