if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
25 Hilarious ‘Sex Clubs’ You Should Try To Join
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
These 23 People Had Crazy Sex With Complete Strangers
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.