I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Randomize
