My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.