Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine