cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?