real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi