I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
