who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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