we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
