so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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