dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
