tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
